just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
