i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
