Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just cropdusted the office
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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