OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
