The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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