Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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