I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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