she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
