Porn is love you can see.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
