so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
