I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
