Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
