Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
