oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
