i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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