I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
