If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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