Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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