last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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