everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This baby is an asshole
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
