I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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