why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
