She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
