yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
