I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
