I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
