Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize