And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
