One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
