Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
