A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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