have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
