Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
