Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
