i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
