He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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