i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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