I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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