I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You can't motorboat a personality
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
