Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
