It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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