My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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