Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
