I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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