@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
