i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
