Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
