why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
