Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
