oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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