I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
