What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
