i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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