dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
