Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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