I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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