It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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