My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
