my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Farmville is her only friend.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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