K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
