he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
two words...techno handjob
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Randomize