do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
